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Monday, July 8th, 2002
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10:21 pm
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Ok everyone. Here it is, my new lj name ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) inalvorna
So please add me because i will be deleting this journal soon.
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(1 slave | Bow to me?)
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8:22 pm
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| Saturday, July 6th, 2002
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9:38 pm
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With the help of Bridget, Harold and Maude, Cat Stevens, and a special online person, I have realised something important. Life goes on. It's all about living in the moment.
So today I biked to Bridgets in my pajamas, used her internet because mine is fucking up, and we made cous cous and chili. We went an watched Harold and Maude, then played some Dr. Mario. Then we watched Blair Witch 2 and Alice In Wonderland. I was dancing around her house, and we were just laughing like retards as always.
It was a nice care free day
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Cat Stevens - If you want to sing out, sing out
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(6 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Friday, July 5th, 2002
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11:34 pm
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So I spent most of the day sitting around until 7pm or so. I was still in my pajamas when Mike called to see if I wanted to go to some fireworks in Mishicot. I agreed, threw on some clothes, and Mike and Zach came to pick me up. We stopped to get some Nicole girl, and then went to the fireworks.
We got there early so we cruised aorund for a bit, then parked, and walked around mingling with the local folk. When the fireworks started, Mike and his woman went off, and Zach and I went to the cemetary.
So it's about 10pm, and here we are climbing this hill into this cemetary. The fireworks are going off, and we are talking about some random crap. I was freaking out because I hate walking over graves. We saw this trail by a row of graves that led into the woods. So we started to walk into it when the Grand Finale happened and we freaked out and turned around. We took another lap around the cemetary, talked about food, books, fears.. then we decided to try the path again since the fireworks were done. So we walked over there and stopped at the entrance. I heard a noise so I asked him if he heard it.. when he said he did, we listened. It sounded like a blunt object hitting a tree over and over. We looked at eachother, freaked out, and hauled ass back to the car haha.
Then we cruised the country roads for awhile. We were looking at the stars, and telling jokes. Laughing, listening to some good ol' rock n' roll. We all sang the lyrics to some songs.. and it was just nice to hang out with them again. Zach kept screaming in this trailer trash mother's voice, and we screamed penis until it echoed off the building. I was in the back seat laughing so hard I started choking on my own saliva. So anyway, that was my day
current mood:  energetic
current music: RHCP - By The Way
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(1 slave | Bow to me?)
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| Thursday, July 4th, 2002
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10:58 pm
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[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] night/>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <img src=http://photo5.matchnet.com/beta/2002/07/03/11320668.jpg alt= My doodles I did on my hand last night/>
My doodles I drew on my hand last night when I was bored. |
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(6 slaves | Bow to me?)
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10:48 pm
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Today was alright. Sunny and I went to the lake today and sat around, ate popcicles, swam, talked to people. It was nice out, but I almost cried when we were walking in the lake and I dropped my popcicle in it :(
After that I came home and thought for awhile. About everything. I can't really explain what goes on in my head. Sometimes it seems Im stuck inside of it, lost in my thoughts. I was so wrapped up in them I almost didn't hear the horn beep which meant it was time to go to the fire works with my beast, Bridget.
We walked around and seached for Nick, but couldn't find him. So we went to the bandstand and I sang and danced to "Come Sail Away" and I got pizza. I love Bridge, I told her that she was my child and she was concieved in a 711. Damn the thing I come up with.
After the fire works we went to Kwik Trip and I got some chex mix and a big ass soda. So yeah, not too bad of a turn out I suppose
current mood: satisfied
current music: Burzum - Dunkelheit
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(Bow to me?)
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| Wednesday, July 3rd, 2002
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9:16 pm - Good day
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Today was a nice bonding day with the 3 people dearest to me in this town. Jason, Nick, and I went frisbee golfing. It was rediculously hot, and I sucked so bad, but I had a fun time hanging out with them. I will always care about those two kids.
Then after that we all went to Nick and met up with Ethan, and I watched their band play. They are sooo good. I also talked to Ethan for a bit. He's really funny. Then after Ethan left I talked to Nick and Jason for a bit, and we listened to Tenacious D.
Then I got home for about 10 minutes, then went to Bridget's house. We ordered pizza and watched Saving Silverman (funny as hell). Then we talked for a long time about love, and about how we have been pretty lucky. Like her with some of her NC guys, and me with Jason. Then we talked about how our paranoia messed up our best relationships. Iam so glad Iam not like that anymore. I suppose you live and learn, but I still miss Jason sometimes.
Too much love for people right now, it hurts. My heart can't hold all of it.
I love all my online friends so much. I love Nick, I love Jason, I love Bridget, I love Jake, I love Steve <3, I love talking to gtpisser ... too much damn lov
current mood: thankful
current music: Gravity Kills - Down
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(8 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002
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11:34 pm - A few of you might enjoy this
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I was talking to a few friends the other day, when all of a sudden they all ganged up on me with their grand idea. I was thinking about what career I should go into, when Adam (he is my slave or at least he acts like it) said that since Im so domineering, I should become a dominatrix. He said I already look the part, now all I need is a little S&M dungeon disguised in my walk in closet.
Hey I have no problem with it haha.
current mood:  amused
current music: Burzum - Dunkelheit
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(8 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Monday, July 1st, 2002
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10:38 pm - It never ends
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So yeah, I fucking started crying today for reasons, and Sunny came over and dragged me outdoors. We walked around town, and talked about things that were going on, which is really cool. She made me feel a lot better. Then when we parted ways because she had to go to work, Nick's mom stopped me to offer me a ride.
So she took Nick, Jake, Jake's bro, and I to Jake's house. We hung out playing cards, listening to Jimi Hendrix and talking. I love those kids. Then Jason came to join us, then we all went to my house.
We ordered a pizza. While I was on the phone explaining what I wanted, Jake was screaming "penis" at the top of his lungs, and I was laughing like and asshole. Then I said I wanted a sausage pizza, and he screamed "you want my sausage" it was hilarious. He is funny as hell. Then Jason and Nick played chest for awhile, and we all just talked and listened to music.
Then we popped in Dogma. People confuse me. Guys seem to send mixed signals to me. One minute they are flirty and the next they are not. It's hard for me to tell if a person actually cares about me. I don't know if anyone does really. Maybe it's all just a big thing to pass the time. Hell if I know. I just want to enjoy myself to make up for all the time I spent wallowing in my stupid fucking sorrows
current mood:  weird
current music: Opeth - Demon of the Fall
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(5 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Saturday, June 29th, 2002
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8:17 pm - Locabazooka
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Today was amazing. I awoke promptly at 7am to slather on sunscreen and slap on some eyeliner before being picked up at 8:30 to leave. Sunny and I piled into Mike's truck for a quick trip to the bank, and then we headed to Zach's.
I met John at Zach's (I was supposed to go on a blind date with him more than 6 months ago). He was hot and shitless woo! Then we all went outside to wait for Zach's mom. Then we all got into the van and headed to Green Bay. We were hungry so we stopped at McDonalds. John and I were facinated by the Lilo and Stitch toys. After we ate we headed out again.
When we got there the line was sorta long. Now I was wearing all black, and it was hot. Soon the line grew to almost a mile long. It was curved and running down the street, I couldn't even see the end of it. So we passed the time by playing tic tac toe in the dirt and talking. Then we met this girl. She loved the same exact music as I did, and I was happy. Her and I spoke for a bit. Then John let me play games on his cell phone. We were in line for 2 hours.
By the time we got inside we were dying. We bought water and poured it all over our bodies. I poured it down my shirt and Sunny and I were rubbing ice cubes all over ourselves. When the music started we hung out for awhile, looking at merchandise. Then John and I went into the pit for Non-point. Oh my God. It was awesome. I got punched it THE FACE though, ow. I also got kicked in the shins, kicked in the head, my breasts and croth were groped, but it was all fun. We rejoined with Mike and Sunny, who were lovingly flirting. We found Zach, then all three of us went into the Mushroomhead pit. This was insane. Some guys earing got ripped out, there was blood everywhere and I was covered in it. Some guy found a log, was beating people with it, then threw it around in the pit. I was bashed and battered, but the people were kind, and if you got knocked down they helped you up.
After this I could barely breath. They wern't selling water anymore, so Sunny and I took iced tea and poured it all over eachother. Then I saw the girl I was talking to before, and we went and moshed for ahile. The music was really great as well.
Now I was starting to have a mass liking for John. When I was about to go unconcious from moshing, he held me up. When I was ready to pass out, he bought me water. When I wanted to sit down, and the ground was filthy (though I ended up looking like a swine anyway) he took his shirt off, and layed it down for me to sit on. He made me laugh, you know, all that junk. But then I find out he's had a girlfriend for 6 months. Blah. Oh well.
We decided to leave around 7pm. We collapsed in a heap in some guys yard until Zach's mom came to get us. In the car on the way to Zach's, Sunny, mike, John and I were having tickle matches, thumb wars, and just talking. I love those kids.
At Zach's house, Mike shoved us into his truck which can only seat 2 people. So Sunny sat bitch, and John had to sit on my lap. When we got to my house, he said to take him home first, because he wanted to sit on me longer because he was comfy. So we drove 3 more cities away to bring him home. Iam dying his hair blue for him tomorrow.
Oh yes. I also have amazing plans next summer. Iam going to California with Mike, John, and some girl Katie. It's going to rule. We are driving down there so here is my announcement: IF ANY OF YOU LIVE IN BETWEEN WI, AND CA, AND WANT TO HANG OUT TELL ME Ok, that is all.
And I miss Steve and Bridget, and if you read this all, I love you
current mood: happy
current music: Dimmu Borgir - Mourning Palace
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(21 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Friday, June 28th, 2002
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4:55 pm
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Yesterday was sweet. I watched some movies, then took a nap to try to heal my monsterous headache. Then my friends Adam and Sunny came to take me away. We went and got some ice cream, rented movies (around 10 or so), then picked up tickets for a concert tomorrow in Green Bay.
While we were walking all these guys were whistling at me, saying I have a nice ass, and how hot my fishnet stockings were. For fuck's sake people, I look like this everyday! It was cool though.
Today Iam going to finish watching some horror movies both old and new (yay!) then Sunny is sleeping over.
I need to go to another state.... now
current mood:  flirty
current music: Bauhaus - Hollow Hills
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(4 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Thursday, June 27th, 2002
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10:20 am - Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
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Today, though it's not that far into it, has been good. I had that job interview. I got hired!! WOOOHOOO!!! That means I don't have to be stingy with money anymore. I start July 8th.
Which means not everynight I can stay up late playing yahoo games :(
Also the other thing about having a job is that when Iam depressed or pissed off I have to conceal it. I also tend to drift off a lot, and lose track of what Iam doing. Everything presents a new challenge.
Plans for today: Walk around, go get some concert tickets, go out to eat. Oh yes, it is food that is my savior. It baffles me that Iam not obese
current mood:  groggy
current music: Gravity Kills - Down
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(12 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
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1:20 am
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Hmm. Today was like every other. I slept until !pm. Got up, got on the computer.
I got a call from the goddamn grocery store. I got a job interview. So yeah. It's 6 bucks an hour, but it works. If I even get the job.
So right now Iam just playing yahoo games with Steve. When I have human contact, well, almost human, it seems to bring me away from myself for awhile. Away from my little world. I must say though, internet people are much greater than the ones in my town.
But on another note I have plans for tomorrow. Iam going to the beach! Iam going to pack up some food, maybe a liters of soda. And go relax with Alyssa. Then I might go to a local concert. Awesome
current mood:  guilty
current music: Opeth - Blackwater Park
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(11 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Monday, June 24th, 2002
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8:58 pm
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Today was strange. Iam starting to doubt everything. My sanity is going on empty. I really can't tell what's real anymore. I don't know.
I need to get away from here, even if it's just for a little while. I need to be able to talk to someone in person and unload everything. I wish I could write what Iam feeling in here, but I can't put it into words.
Someone tell me, what is the point of all this?
current mood:  confused
current music: Cradle of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
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(3 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
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5:21 pm
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I finally got out of the house today. Since I have been staying up late playing yahoo games with Steve lately I have also been sleeping late. So Adam calls and Iam still sleeping at 11:30. He says that we should go see Bourne Identity at 1:40. So I say ok, and I call Sunny and finish making those plans. Then I go take a shower and all that, eat some eggs, and visit the relatives.
My step brother is getting married. I remember when we were little we used run around playing tiny tunes, and avelanche. Avalanche is this game where we would pile stuffed animals on top of the stairs and then we would take turns pushing them down on eachother, then pulling eachohter up the stairs with truck coils. Good times. It's so weird to see him all grown up.
Anyway so my Moma sks me what movie Iam going to and I tell her and she goes, "Porn Identity? Does that star Traci Lords?" I couldn't stop laughing. Then we all started being perverted. I love my family.
Adam came to get me, then we got Sunny, and watched the movie. It was fucking awesome. And since Iam easily amused I was laughing so hard when this guy died for some reason. I mean I just could not stop.
After the movie we went to the beach and I got some rocks and glass to put in a jar in my room. Then Adam dropped me off and here Iam. It's just nice to get out of the house.
Probably going to watch Rose Red tonight
current mood:  dorky
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(1 slave | Bow to me?)
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| Thursday, June 20th, 2002
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10:05 pm
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I feel so lonely. And my Bridget is going to her native land for 2 weeks. When I hugged her goodbye, I started to bawl. Then I came home and cried for a half an hour. Haha, Iam so cool.
..I just feel so empty, and I can't explain why. Like something is missing. *sadness*
current mood: crappy
current music: some song that makes me cry
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(Bow to me?)
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| Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
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6:30 pm - Scorched earth, rebirth
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I have been so tierd lately and I don't know why. I took a nap at 4:30 and just woke up.. I'm still tierd.
Anyway, plans for tonight include downloading lots of music videos. So far my favorite video/song is Cradle of Filth - Scorched Earth Erotica.
I wish I could update about my feelings, but I don't seem to be having many lately. Maybe a little hollow.... what the hell is going on with me argh!
Oh, has anyone seen the movie Cradle of Fear? If so how was it?
current mood: empty
current music: Cradle of Filth - Scorched Earth Erotica
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(5 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Tuesday, June 18th, 2002
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10:19 pm
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3 main important things have happened today:
1. I have a job interview tomorrow at the movie theater. Ahhh! Wish me luck!
2. I told Jason that I have liked him all year. All he could say was ok. And all I know is I feel like a huge fucking weight has been lifted.
3. Then I talked to my ex and we had an interesting conversation. ALl I can say is after all this time I still love talking to him.
Blah! Good times.
Hi Steve :)
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(5 slaves | Bow to me?)
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| Monday, June 17th, 2002
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11:22 pm - The night
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I love the night. Everything posseses so much beauty. When you walk in it, everything feels so un-real, like Im somewhere better than here. It's like walking into a perfect picture or painting. The trees, the moon, the stars, even each window of every lonely house seems to radiat it's own life. Each has it's own peaceful being.
Anyway... the bonfire was interesting. It was me, Alyssa, Sunny, Zach, and Bridget. We were all sitting around the fire, telling dirty jokes, roasting wieners, just as I said it would be. Then Sunny was all over Zach in front of us, so Bridget and I walked Alyssa home, and then walked around the bloack about 4 times and had one of those amazing extremely emotional and deep conversations. About life, and what will become of us. If I will die alone as a bum, or will I turn out happy. About love..and friendship.
We got back to my house, when Sunny asked me if Zach could sleep over too. I said no, but go and sleep at his house if you want. So she did. Gabbed her things and left like that. Whatever. Then I walked Bridget home. And on the way back, the streets were so quiet. And the light hit everything perfectly, and it was beautiful.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: November's Doom - Silent Tomorrow
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(2 slaves | Bow to me?)
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6:32 pm
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Finally. I have something to do tonight. At 9pm me and a few friends are having a binfire, get-together type deal. We will roast wieners and make s'mores, and talk pervertedly. Oh yes.
Not much else has been going on. I have spent most of my days on the computer, and filling out job applications. I really need money. I really want to get some cd's. And pay off all the shit I need to.
But anyway, I hope everyone has fun tonight.
current mood: optimistic
current music: Crematory - Tears of Time
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